I need this…

ouch! I’m tired already

So many half-written works

So many job applications

So many life expectations

So many unfinished courses

So many deadlines

I’m everywhere and nowhere

I’m drowning, not begging to breathe

Trust me, this is not an attempt to write poetry; I sulk at that. It just happened to spur, and it explained how I really feel. This week has been a lot for me; no, it’s this month. It’s the middle of the month, and I’m already exhausted.

Most times, we hope so much for something; we spend our time daydreaming and praying fervently for it, and when it finally comes, we realize that we have been saying the wrong words and visualizing the wrong pictures; that thing is suddenly not what we want. Isn’t it funny? Yes, it is, but it is not.

I want to tell you about my sister, she is a fashion designer. Most times, no, that would be a great understatement; every time, she wishes for more jobs, more clients, more… she prays so much about it and guess what? You guessed right. Her prayers would come back with answers; new clients, returning clients, new offers. She would receive orders, dancing around joyfully, but then, after that, she would whine and cry about how she no longer has time for herself and how everything is overwhelming. Does it mean she is ungrateful? No, that’s not the case.

In life, we always ask for more. We rarely sit down to ask if we have the capacity for more; we just ask and ask – it’s our nature.

We keep telling ourselves that we are not doing enough, so we apply for countless jobs, and sometimes, when we get this job, it just becomes too unbearable; everything feels irritating; we apply for more courses, deadlines stealing our sleep at night and giving us nightmares. Does that mean that we have moved out of God’s plan for our life or the goal we have set for ourselves? No. We just don’t have the capacity for that at the moment.

Just like a 500-litre tank can only accommodate 500 litres of water, not 1000 litres because that would be too overwhelming, know your capacity and work with it. No one is saying that you should not dream big or that your dream should not scare you, but you should know your limit – for when you try to fill a 500-litre tank with 1000 litres of water, it would surely overflow, leaving disaster at its peak. While trying to make ends meet and become the successful person you have always dreamed of, don’t forget to carry your whole self along, which includes your happiness and that little time you have to think and rest…don’t be too overwhelmed with work because of life expectations.

Maybe time would create that capacity, but till then… calm down.

---

To my sisters, my unpaid editors who are always there to read and proofread my work…