If my life were a movie

In the theatre of what ifs...

If my life were a movie, it wouldn’t start in a slow-mo because that would heighten the expectations of the people (the spectators). It would begin with crying in the hospital, but that’s nothing special; all children cry at that point. Also, it’s nothing new; there would be no surprise on the faces of my parents, I’m just another one, not like they really needed a girl child; two is enough, three…a crowd. Being the number five, they might even look at me and ask, “Is having this one really necessary?” Buhahaha…

If my life were a movie, the director and other crew members would be disappointed at the sparse number of main characters auditioning, just a few, not even more than the fingers in their right hands. They might be disheartened at my lack of socializing and ask, “Didn’t you understand the concept of socialization in Social studies during your JSS One?”

If my life were a movie, it wouldn’t be a rom-com. I mean, every rom-com has this romance that everyone envies, and every spectator wishes they were the one; many would even dream and see themselves being with the main character as the co-main character. Also, it would have this stuff with their attitude and expressions that would make people laugh, making the most troubled soul twitch their lips at least.

Or do you think it would be a thriller? Come off it; stop placing me on high horses; putting me on an ant would do. Being a thriller would warrant it to captivate the audience with tension, suspense, and unpredictability. Nay, none of that exists for me – no anticipation, excitement, or even fear.

Then, the setting of the movie won’t be the glamorous lie of Nigeria, but in a not-so-city city called Onitsha where everyone is business minded, where “Uzo or…” will either keep or destroy your face, a bustling urban landscape characterized by rows of four and three storeys tightly packed together making the streets alive with activities, each building filled with its own story. Maybe the stories will eventually be what makes my life interesting. Perhaps.

If my life were a movie, it would look too mundane and wouldn’t be creative enough to make people forget their reality as most movies do; it would come rushing at the faces of the audiences, giving those heavy thoughts about life but not strong enough to make them cry. It might be boring to the point of becoming that recommended text, which leaves you clueless after watching it. Still, the lecturer/ professor would come up with five pages of analysis and significance that you and I didn’t pay attention to.

If my life were a movie, people would expect the “I do” ending with cheers and people dancing to the tune of one beautiful love song. Nay, that would make the whole thing unrealistic and bland; trust me, I’m not opposed to love, but why should my whole life be defined by that single moment?

If my life were a movie…. But it’s not