On Companionship

There is this beauty that comes with companionship. An art. We don’t talk about that enough.

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Having someone you tell about your day—not in a summary but in the tiniest detail.

Having someone that you have gone beyond awkward with.

Someone that you are not scared will think you come off as too much just for being yourself.

Isn’t it beautiful?

Having someone that you have gone beyond “I messaged first the last time” with.

Someone that knows you, not from what you have told them but because they have watched you—seen you, act, exist, be.

Isn’t it an art?

It’s like an artist’s work done with precision. Error free? Wrong. Done embodying flaws like a badge. Because no matter how perfect an art looks, it still has smudges in its paint strokes. It still missed a punctuation in its first draft.

Today, as I walked past my parents’ room, I could hear them talking. I didn’t need to eavesdrop or linger to know that they were talking about their day. In details.

And it made me pause as a thought pushed into my head. I want that too. But the longer I sat deep in thoughts, I couldn’t help the questions probing in my head.

But am I ready? Can I be someone’s companion?

This is not a question that yes or no can answer. It’s deep. It’s reflective.

Truth is, I could pass for someone’s companion because I care about people. I often feel their pain and I don’t mind trying to make them feel better about themselves. I encourage them with words— see, that’s even a love language. Words of affirmation.

I love listening. I could be tagged an active listener. I love making people laugh.

But within these, there’s also a no. No because I’m not ready to build myself for hurt. I’m scared that if this person leaves, a part of me would go with them.

Does that make any sense?

Companionship is beautiful, but me and the next person knows how difficult it can be. So, am I ready? I have no idea.

For now, I would rather go back to sticking my eyes to the pages of books while I travel the world and meet fictional beings that are not so confused with the direction of their life.