On Friendships

Understanding human interactions

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To understand friendship better, it’s right you take your mind back to Biology class—specifically, the concept of symbiosis, where two species live closely together. These relationships are categorized as mutualism, commensalism, parasitism, and more. Surprisingly, friendships often fall under these biological interactions.

When two people benefit equally in a friendship, it’s mutualism—the ideal kind of friendship. Both people respect and consider each other’s feelings, creating a balanced and fulfilling relationship.

On the other hand, commensalism describes a friendship where one benefits, while the other keeps giving receiving little or nothing in return. It’s almost okay because giving hurts no one, right? But over time, it becomes draining. It is best described as a one-sided friendship because one person will be more invested in the friendship than the other — it could be the “giver” or other times, the “collector” (only because they want the flow of what they are getting to never stop).

When I speak of "collecting," it’s not just about money. It could be advice, your clothes, your books, your influence, or even your time. For students, it could be your full brain —borrowing your notes, asking for explanations on courses, or begging to sit next to you during exams. But try removing these elements from the friendship and watch it fade because they were never really invested in you—just what you provided.

You might think commensalism is the worst form of friendship, but that’s before you consider parasitism. This type of friendship takes things a step further: one person benefits at the expense of the other. Here, the "giver" isn’t just drained—they’re harmed; the “collector” takes and leaves scars, looping the “giver” into manipulative situations leaving them emotionally, physically, and mentally harmed.

Picture this: Imagine being friends with someone who constantly makes you feel small, manipulates you, makes your effort worthless, or uses your kindness as a weapon to guilt-trip you. That’s parasitism. The funny thing about this kind of friendship is that it does not often start off this way, but some situations can slowly take it to this path if boundaries are not established.

It’s left of you to take a step backwards and truly see the kind of friendship you entertain because, let’s be honest here — everyone longs for mutualism but are you willing to give your time and everything to someone else who is equally willing to do the same? To go out of your way to make the person feel comfortable with you?

For most of my life, I have entertained commensalism and I comforted myself with the fact that it wasn’t harmful, that I was just giving and I didn’t need to get anything in return — not even their care. I went out of my way to make people around me feel comfortable, I gave out the little I could offer and it was draining but I thought that the more I gave, the more they would like me and finally, actually care about me. I was wrong—so wrong, because the moment I couldn’t give out what I had, I became worthless to them, like a disposable bag.

On the other hand, sometimes, we are not the nice people in a friendship. We can be the “collector” , taking endlessly and giving nothing back. We don’t give out our time, we mistreat the other person and make them feel that it’s their fault. We ask for too much, we put our feelings first with very little consideration of how it might affect the other person. Sometimes, we feel that what we are passing through is the worst and therefore, we forget to listen to our friend’s problem because of course, we have it worst. We are, sometimes, the villain and most of the times, we do this unconsciously.

So, ask yourself: What role do you play in your friendships? Are you the one taking without giving back? Are you the one giving too much and receiving nothing? Are you unintentionally harming the other person? Or are you the one being harmed—staying in a friendship where your feelings and well-being are constantly disregarded?

It’s important that you check all these and reconsider your interactions, putting in the forefront that mutuality will bring you the peace and love you truly deserve. It’s better you have no friends than you allow others to consistently override and devalue you.

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