Unrest in resting times

I think I'm being too lazy

It’s 10:10pm, I’m on my bed, but obviously wide awake. That is the price you pay for accepting the wide arms of sleep when the sun is still up.

Now, what?

You ask.

Well, I have the same question too.

It’s funny how much we plan to be less busy. During the week, when everything is out of my control, I always yearn for weekends and public holidays. I think about the things I would be able to achieve during those obligation-free days and it’s always fun to daydream about that.

And days like that do show up. Every weekend. And any tiny holiday.

And guess what…

You couldn’t guess?

Free days make me feel…worthless and oh so reflective about life.

I have come to realize that being busy has its perks. It makes you so occupied that you forget that something is probably missing from your life. It doesn’t make you notice how loud the silence can be. Yes, it can be tiring but it gives you a good sleep at the end—deep and dream-less.

So, when the free days I yearn for finally come and thoughts I don’t want march into my head in troops. I do the next best thing: I get busy.

I invent tasks immediately. How else can I describe my day if it’s not busy enough? I manufacture things that should not have existed just to get my hands on something, so that day won’t be totally “useless”.

But somewhere along the way, I pause and ask myself, “Who am I when I’m not busy?!”

“What makes me a person without the art of juggling from one task to another?”

You might think, “Sasha, that’s your problem to solve” but I think you should also ask yourself these questions as well.

When your schedule is clear and you are free from the noise of a busy day, what makes you you? What makes you fun? What sucks up your day?

I don’t know about you, but I think adulthood has stripped us of the joy of doing nothing—of keeping still.

As adults, we are moving through life with the prospect of deadlines and timelines chasing after our every movement. So, every bit of a free time/a me-time comes with an ugly head of guilt.

Shouldn’t you be doing this?

Ade certainly wasn’t successful by lying still and watching the ceiling

Oh! That bad!

When was the last time you had a guilt-free rest? A day that starts with a slow morning, lazy afternoon, and late sleep just because you can! A day that is void of urgency.

And all these reflections leave me with a bit of unanswered questions. Aside from routines and tasks, do I really know myself? If I'm stripped of my routine, am I still the same person?

Maybe society's obsession with productivity and burnout has rubbed up on us more than we think. We now glorify being shoved into tasks and trust me, this is not in any way urging you to be lazy. No, my point is that we need to know and find ourselves amidst the busyness.

We don't need to lose ourselves all in the name of being productive. Because nowadays, everyone expects your head to be in the next big task… this is good but it's tiring. It's more like Temple Run, once you start running, you just have to continue unless the dragon will get hold of you and unalive you. And hitting the pause button… oh! We hardly remember.

And that's life too.

As soon as you are done with secondary school, people ask, “What next?” So, you fight so hard for admission and when you finally get it, you talk about having good grades. Then, you are in your finals, and another “What next?” rears its head. You are almost done serving and “What next?” You are working and “What next?” You are married and “What next?” Oh! You now have children and “What next?”

Does it ever end? No! It doesn't because what next?!

As I write to you, I write to myself as well. In all of the chaos that life brings and the what next(s), who truly are you? Do you know yourself?

In all of life’s steady workload, we should remember to take a step backward and catch ourselves. Avoid inventing tasks, and just enjoy a guilt-free rest at least once in a while…because we have earned it.