Why do you do it?

For performance, choice, passion, or love.

There’s a point in life that we rarely talk about, the point where our hobby slowly turns to a performance. That point where we no longer do the things we love simply out of love but because we just have to and we are now obligated to do it —and that sense of obligation dries the joy out of our hobbies.

Source: Pinterest

The moment your art stops being what you love but what you feel others want you to do, you become stuck and unproductive. Creation suddenly feels difficult because you always feel something is missing. A point. A sentence. Magic.

I have seen this happen in so many movies— the moment an artist’s art starts becoming performative rather than something out of love.

This month, I’m hit with a discovery. Reading now feels performative— I’m scared of reading some things and I’m obligated to read some things. I want to read books that will make people feel I’m cool and smart. But the truth is, no one cares what I read. No one. I don’t read for them, they are not in my brain. I can choose to read a hundred literary fictions and classical books just to look cool like Rory in Gilmore Girls or Kat in 10 Things I Hate About You but if I don’t enjoy these books, it wouldn’t make my reading experience fun, but a chore.

Why do I write?

Nowadays, I forget the essence of writing. I now write because I want to post on Substack, I write because it’s the weekend and I’m running out of time to post. I have so many things to write about but my brain now hand-picks what’s ‘Substack-worthy’ and what’s not. But no, that’s wrong. I shouldn’t only write for Substack but for myself, myself.

I don’t want to do things as a performance. This is not a circus ground. I don’t want to let what I love turn into an open theatre. I don’t want my art to be performative. I want it to seep into my life like it’s my breathe. I don’t want to write only because it’s the weekend and I want to post. I don’t want to read because I feel people will look at me as smart.

I want my hobbies to turn to hobbies again — no obligations, no stress. Hobbies should be fun and also chaotic. Hobbies don’t need to be presentable all the time; they don’t need perfection, they just need to be, to exist.

What do you love doing? Do you still love it or has it slowly turn to a chore, an obligation, a mere performance?

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Book Recommendation:

Recently, I have discovered that a good literary work requires patience. It just doesn’t spur out and becomes interesting— like most romance books do (no insult intended because I still love romance books forever), it takes time to build the characters and let them grow into what they should, just like a good movie and most importantly, just like life. Most of the books I have really enjoyed and loved this past years have taught me this.

Yes, too long for a book recommendation, I know.

Today, I recommend this book that has literally changed my life, a book I would never forget and it’s The Sword of Kaigen. It’s a standalone fantasy book told from two perspectives— Mamoru, a boy of 14 years trying to come in terms with the truth about his Empire and Misaki, his mother who is trying to come in terms with her new life as a wife and mother while trying to forget her life at Daybreak Academy. This book talks about the cruel nature of the government, family dynamics, war and grief.